Running? What's That?

So, I haven't been running at all for quite some time. I know that at some point I will start back up again, but for now, I'm grabbing any sleep I can and just getting through the days.

The Good Mile

“Running is one of the best solutions to a clear mind.” ~Sasha Azevedo

This quote is so true. How I enjoy my half an hour of thinking! The first three minutes are pretty negative - I typically think about how much running stinks and how after the three minutes is up I'm going to stop. But I never do. Instead I realize that I made it through those horrible three minutes and can't I do at least 6 more minutes? Of course! Once I get into the groove of running, of breathing, of letting go of the discomfort that comes with running, I am able to really think.

Most of the time I write stories in my head. Sometimes I write blog posts or emails. I'll think of a topic and then write essays about it in my head. I often think about my day ahead of me. I pass a small horse farm on my runs and that usually gets me thinking about horses and how I want one, how I really should get back into horseback riding. I think about my surroundings - the birds, the rabbits in the desert, the fire ant that's biting the back of my leg!

But, it all comes down to having a few moments to myself to actually think. Running may be difficult but for me it's worth it to have this 1/2 hour to myself which also translates into a day of clear-headedness.

*picture from artandperception.com

“By losing your goal, you have lost your way.” ~Khalil Gibran

A friend of mine (we'll call her Kelly), just announced her "100 Miles A Month" goal. As I read her blog about this awesome inspiring goal, I contemplated my own running goals. And I realized I didn't have any anymore! I can run a mile. Now what? Do I really want to either work on speed or distance at this point? Do I love running that much?

Actually I don't like running while I'm running, but do feel pretty dang good after I've completed a run (I am using the term "run" loosely, please don't rain on my parade and remind me that I'm merely shuffling. Thanks). I would like to get to the point where I enjoy running. And truth be told, I do enjoy the thinking time running allows me.

Last night as I prepared to go to bed I told my husband that if I got up early enough I'd be heading out for a run. And secretly I hoped I wouldn't wake up early enough. Since sleep is such a rare commodity for me I have decided that I won't force myself to get up any earlier than absolutely necessary. However, if I wake up naturally early enough to get a run in, then I'd take advantage of my sleep disorders.

As it happened, I woke up at 5:40 am. Plenty of time to get a run in. I donned my shoes and my watch, stretched, and headed out the door. It was hot . . . at 5:40 in the morning. I ran from my house to the first traffic light just south of here. That is exactly a mile. It was a rough mile. Toward the end I was pretty sure I was going to pass out. I came fairly close to puking as well. But seeing that traffic light and keeping my eye on the prize kept me going. I did it in 12 minutes. Then I turned around and walked back. It took me the entire walk back to not feel like passing out and puking.

I felt pretty proud of my run, proud that I ran a mile, and proud that I actually ran OUTSIDE in Arizona for the whole world to see (and really, I was so focused on not throwing up and passing out that I had not a moment to feel self-conscious about my shuffling and all my friends and neighbors that were surely laughing at me nor did I think about all the crazies out to get me).

Then I started thinking about it and realized that I only ran 12 minutes today! That's pathetic! What happened to me running 30 minutes at a time? I did my mile and then just stopped (I am glad I stopped - I really think I was close to passing out).

So, my new goal is to run 30 minutes straight. AND, I'd like to do this outside. I'm hatin' on the treadmill. This means I have to find the time in the early early morning or in the evening, when the sun isn't so crazy hot, so that I can run. This will be a challenge.

How I'm going to accomplish this: The second post in this blog lays out a running program that I had been following in order to run the mile.** But once I hit the mile, I kind of stopped moving forward with the program. I will be using this program to reach my next goal of running 30 minutes straight. I've already done this once or twice, but I really want to get it under my belt this time. It's a small step backwards, but necessary.

* image from http://www.focusaction.com/YourConnection/cardiovascularExercise.html

**Thank you Simon for making the plan for me and for being such a great supporter in my running endeavors.

Running Buddy

This past week I really failed . . . except for one day. On Monday evening I was bored and antsy so decided to go for a run/jog/shuffle. My 9 year-old daughter expressed an interest to go with me. By the time we headed out the door, it was starting to get dark. Kinda creepy. So we stayed in our neighborhood (yeah, still creepy). It was a lot of fun having her with me. She's a lot better at talking while running than I am. I can make the occasional grunt, but that's about it. She jogs along with a spring in her step.

We only jogged for 10 minutes. I think we would have done more if it wasn't 105 degrees out. It was seriously hot. At least we didn't have the sun beating down on us.

I'm hoping that she and I can make this a routine. I loved having her with me. She pushes me and I encourage her. We make a pretty good team.

It Is Possible

I bit the bullet and got on the treadmill this morning. It is, in fact, entirely possible to run a mile on the treadmill. I am the proof. I did it in lousy time, but I'm going to allow myself that when I'm treading.

And really, just a few months ago I couldn't run for more than 3 minutes at a time.

Fear of Failure

This is a big one for me. You'd think after failing at stuff a lot that it would be second nature and I wouldn't worry about it so. But I do. I'm back in Arizona now and I'm trying to figure out my running schedule. And it scares me a little. I'd prefer running outside, but that would require me getting up very very early which is often difficult to do after tossing and turning all night. Also, running outside here does not offer me the privacy that running in Pennsylvania did. I'd be running on a sidewalk adjacent to a busy road - a road that I cannot walk down without seeing at least 3 people I know drive by (and they usually wave at me). I want to shuffle in private. Plus, I don't want people calling an ambulance when they see me huffing and puffing and tripping all over the place (it's called running, people!). And then I'm afraid that I won't be able to match my progress that I attained in Pennsylvania.

Or . . .

There's the Dreadmill. The positive side of this is that I can do it in the privacy of my own home on my own time. That's the only pro, as far as I can tell. Like I said in an earlier post, I can WALK 2 miles in 35 minutes. Put me on the Dreadmill and I can run/jog 1.6 miles in 35 minutes. It literally sucks the life out of me. I dread the treadmill.

Both of these avenues share something in common: either way I look at it I'm afraid of failure, afraid of taking some big giant steps backward. I know I can run a mile - but can I run a mile here? Will the heat be too much? Will I be too self-conscious to run outside? Will the dreadmill finally kill me?

The Last Run

I haven't run in 2 weeks. I did my 15 minute mile then my morning schedule got screwy and then I got sick, so I put off running.

Today is my last day in Pennsylvania. Soon I'll be battling the inferno in Arizona. I had to take one last chance to run out in the woods. I didn't run much - a little more than 1/2 a mile. I wanted to take it easy after a two-week break and I really just wanted to enjoy the run and the out-a-doors.

It was chilly when I ran. I startled three deer. I ran by all three ponds. I hopped over a branch and some roots. And then I walked the rest of the way, taking in the beauty around me knowing it will probably be a year before I see it all again.

14:58

Remember a few days ago I did 1.25 miles in 30 minutes? That was really bugging me. Last evening, I was itching to run to see if I could do better. I typically run first thing in the morning, but why not run when I'm actually feeling like it?

I ran the 1.25 in 14:58. I did not shuffle. It was hard to do. But I did it. The best thing about it was KNOWING that I could run a mile. THE BIG SCARY MILE is no longer scary and out of reach. Instead it's firmly in my grasp to do whatever I want with it.

I believe I ran at a pace of around 4 mph (correct me if my math is wrong). In my book that's fairly respectable. A lot better than 30 minutes, that's for sure.

At this point, I'm not sure if I want to work on the speed so much. The run really messed up my feet and ankles. I've been limping around like an old woman. My feet kill. It feels like I have two sprained ankles. I'm not sure if it's because I ran faster or if it's because of dodging rocks, sticks, pinecones and logs (both putting a lot of strain on my feet and ankles - feet and ankles that don't have the correct support to begin with). Maybe a combination of both. But, while I'm in Pennsylvania, I think I'll lay off the speed and more focus on distance.

I'd like to run 2 miles.

A New Goal

I was able to track the distance of my past few runs (thanks moochoo for reminding me that GPS exists).

The results are a little disappointing. But, how can I be disappointed when I actually accomplished my goal? That's right. I met my goal of a mile. And actually, I went over that and did 1.25 miles. Yes, it took me 30 minutes. Yes, that's surprisingly slow. Yes, I can and do walk faster than that.

So, I can quit now, right? I'm done? Yeah, right. Now I have it in my mind to run a mile in a respectable time (whatever that means. any suggestions?) AND add some more mileage to my runs.

The Bad

Of course my awesome run last week had to be balanced with a truly horrible one this week. Monday I woke up to it pouring outside so I decided to put the pillow over my head and sleep for a little longer and determined that I'd run on Tuesday.

Tuesday I woke up not wanting to run at all. At all. But I dragged myself out. From the very start I knew it was going to be rotten. Maybe it was my attitude. Maybe it was the 82% humidity. Whatever I didn't want to be running.

I ran anyway. I ran the 15 minute split - run 15 minutes, walk 1 minute, run 15 minutes. I hated every second of it. And when I finished it I didn't even care. Wasn't proud that I accomplished it even though I was tired and hot and in a bad mood. Lots of times I'll be proud that I've accomplished something despite my trials. Not Tuesday.

And when I say I ran, I really mean that I shuffled. And I don't mean as the run progressed I started to shuffle - I mean that I started out at a depressing shuffle and it only got worse.

The silver lining: Tuesday is over.

24:56

Last week I was on week 5. That is run for 8 minutes, walk for 2 and I was to do 3 sets of this. Monday, I did it no problem. Same with Wednesday. Friday - I almost skipped my run due to a horrible night sleep and an impending big day out and about. However, I woke up early enough that I couldn't not run. So out I went.

Remember Forest Gump? Remember him running - he just felt like running and kept on going. I ran for the first 8 minutes. When that time was coming to a close I realized I wasn't all that worn out and thought perhaps I could skip the walking (2 minute) portion and just keep on running, at least for a minute or two more. I did. Before I knew it I had run 16 minutes straight! At that point, I thought, what's 8 more minutes? So I continued on and ran for a total of 24 minutes 56 seconds straight! And I could have gone on longer but I needed to get the kids up and ready for the day.

I'm pretty sure I ran my mile. But, I'm not entirely sure. I run awfully slow. Once I'm back in AZ and can track my mileage either outside (from one street to another) or tracking it on my treadmill, I'll know for sure if I can run a mile.

This is a huge leap for me. A huge accomplishment. I'm not taking it lightly. I'm dang proud of myself. If I have indeed run a mile, I intend to keep going. I'd like to get my pace respectable and I'd like to be able to run a mile without it being a big deal. I think that means I'll have to run more than a mile at some point.

Obstacles

Any challenge has its obstacles. Even before starting the challenge I had my obstacles. Not only am I missing bones and functioning muscles in my feet and ankles, but I deal with insomnia and chronic headaches. Before starting the program I decided that I'd be my most efficient and best if I only did the running on days that followed a good night sleep and didn't wake up with a headache. However, those days never exist.

So, I decided that regardless of sleep quality or headache status I would run anyway.

Every time I wake up in the morning, I'm exhausted with a pounding headache. Sometimes I run to the beat of my pounding head.

And I feel tough. I grit my teeth and get through it even with those obstacles.

Other obstacles that I've faced so far:

Time: Finding time to get a run in. I've found that I enjoy running first thing in the morning (when I haven't had an entire day to talk myself out of running). But with kids, sometimes it's hard to get a run in when they're up and at 'em, asking for breakfast. Sometimes they have to wait.

Natural Elements: In AZ, I run on the treadmill. In PA, I run through the woods - which I love. But tripping on pinecones and stumbling over sticks has its drawbacks. So does the weather. The other day I ran in 39 degree weather. I saw my breath! Today it was 67 and HUMID. It's interesting how I have to adjust myself to take in the change of temperature. Not only that, but I have to watch out for wildlife - bears, deer, and today I smelled a skunk.

The Treadmill: I hate running on my treadmill. It sucks the life out of me. I can easily WALK 2 miles in 35 minutes. But, get me on a treadmill and with intervals of RUNNING I can go about 1.6 miles in 35 minutes. When I'm running outside, I don't need any technology - no music, no video, nuthin'. I'm happy with my own thoughts. Get me on the treadmill and I need to be watching something to distract me from the hell I'm putting myself through. So, yeah, my treadmill is an obstacle as is the dwindling selection of DVDs I have to watch while running on the stupid thing. I need a better selection. Reruns of Charmed just ain't cutting it.

I'm on week 4! Running intervals of 5 minutes with 2 minute walks - 4 sets. I'm doing it! I don't think ever in my life have I been able to run more than 2 minutes at a time. I'm proud of myself.

The Goal and The Program

The Goal: to jog one mile without stopping or walking. I don't care how slowly I go. I don't care if I make a new record for the slowest jog. I just want to jog a mile, a whole mile. Once that's under my belt, I'll work on upping the speed to something respectable.

The Program: The program I am following is a variation of the Couch-to-5K running program. Mine varies slightly.


Week 1 Run one min, walk 90 seconds. Repeat eight times. Do three times a week.
Week 2 Run two mins, walk one min. Repeat seven times. Do three times a week.
Week 3 Run three mins walk one mins. Repeat six times. Do three times a week.
Week 4 Run five mins, walk two mins. Repeat four times. Do three times a week.
Week 5 Run eight mins, walk two mins. Repeat three times. Do three times a week.
Week 6 Run 12 mins, walk one min. Repeat three times. Do three times a week.
Week 7 Run 15 mins, walk one min, Run fifteen mins. Do three times a week
Week 8 Run 30 mins continuously.

By week 7 I should be jogging my mile. As of right now I am on week 3. It was a scary jump to go from jogging 2 minutes to 3 minutes. Two minutes was hard enough for me - but 3 minutes!? with only a 1 minute walk in between!? But, surprisingly it went rather well. Next week I will be running 5 minutes at a time. I'm shaking in my sneakers!!

One Measly Mile

I was born with the usual 10 fingers and 10 toes. Unfortunately, my toes happened to be facing the wrong way, as were my feet. I was born with bilateral club feet. It was a fairly severe case. I endured some surgeries, a lot of physical therapy, and special shoes (they were so ugly!) to correct my feet. My feet are, for the most part, corrected. Although, I do walk with a slight "hitch" in my step. I sport some really crazy scars on both feet - scars that have made me extremely self-conscious.

I never thought that my feet held me back in any way. I felt like I was pretty athletic as a kid. I was constantly running around our yard. I horseback rode; I was in gymnastics. My free time was spent doing flips on the swing-set bar. I could out push-up, out pull-up and out sit-up everyone in my grade. But when it came to running the mile. . . I came in dead last. . . every time.

It wasn't until a few years ago that I realized why. I had twisted my foot one day - it hurt. I went to the podiatrist since it had been an age since I had had check-up on my feet anyway. The doctor took x-rays and was impressed at how the doctors had put my feet back together again. He also noted that I was missing a few bones in both my feet. Bones - who needs 'em? He then asked me to do a few simple movements of my feet. And I couldn't do them. AT ALL. He determined that I had some non-functioning muscles in my feet and ankles which prevented me from moving my feet in a few certain ways.

So, there it was. After so many years of failing at the mile, I understood why. But, it didn't excuse my failure. People with prosthetics run marathons! Here I am with two fairly-functioning feet.

Game on! I have challenged myself to run a measly mile. One mile - by the time I turn 35 (sadly, only a few months away). I have the backing of an on-line motivator who has kindly tailor-made a running program for me that should have me running my mile in about 8 weeks, if not sooner. I've had some set-backs, but am fully committed to doing this.

This blog serves as my place to record my progress, shortcomings, and inspirations on this journey of a measly mile.

*picture from http://www.vagabondish.com/running-cultures/