The Good Mile

“Running is one of the best solutions to a clear mind.” ~Sasha Azevedo

This quote is so true. How I enjoy my half an hour of thinking! The first three minutes are pretty negative - I typically think about how much running stinks and how after the three minutes is up I'm going to stop. But I never do. Instead I realize that I made it through those horrible three minutes and can't I do at least 6 more minutes? Of course! Once I get into the groove of running, of breathing, of letting go of the discomfort that comes with running, I am able to really think.

Most of the time I write stories in my head. Sometimes I write blog posts or emails. I'll think of a topic and then write essays about it in my head. I often think about my day ahead of me. I pass a small horse farm on my runs and that usually gets me thinking about horses and how I want one, how I really should get back into horseback riding. I think about my surroundings - the birds, the rabbits in the desert, the fire ant that's biting the back of my leg!

But, it all comes down to having a few moments to myself to actually think. Running may be difficult but for me it's worth it to have this 1/2 hour to myself which also translates into a day of clear-headedness.

*picture from artandperception.com

“By losing your goal, you have lost your way.” ~Khalil Gibran

A friend of mine (we'll call her Kelly), just announced her "100 Miles A Month" goal. As I read her blog about this awesome inspiring goal, I contemplated my own running goals. And I realized I didn't have any anymore! I can run a mile. Now what? Do I really want to either work on speed or distance at this point? Do I love running that much?

Actually I don't like running while I'm running, but do feel pretty dang good after I've completed a run (I am using the term "run" loosely, please don't rain on my parade and remind me that I'm merely shuffling. Thanks). I would like to get to the point where I enjoy running. And truth be told, I do enjoy the thinking time running allows me.

Last night as I prepared to go to bed I told my husband that if I got up early enough I'd be heading out for a run. And secretly I hoped I wouldn't wake up early enough. Since sleep is such a rare commodity for me I have decided that I won't force myself to get up any earlier than absolutely necessary. However, if I wake up naturally early enough to get a run in, then I'd take advantage of my sleep disorders.

As it happened, I woke up at 5:40 am. Plenty of time to get a run in. I donned my shoes and my watch, stretched, and headed out the door. It was hot . . . at 5:40 in the morning. I ran from my house to the first traffic light just south of here. That is exactly a mile. It was a rough mile. Toward the end I was pretty sure I was going to pass out. I came fairly close to puking as well. But seeing that traffic light and keeping my eye on the prize kept me going. I did it in 12 minutes. Then I turned around and walked back. It took me the entire walk back to not feel like passing out and puking.

I felt pretty proud of my run, proud that I ran a mile, and proud that I actually ran OUTSIDE in Arizona for the whole world to see (and really, I was so focused on not throwing up and passing out that I had not a moment to feel self-conscious about my shuffling and all my friends and neighbors that were surely laughing at me nor did I think about all the crazies out to get me).

Then I started thinking about it and realized that I only ran 12 minutes today! That's pathetic! What happened to me running 30 minutes at a time? I did my mile and then just stopped (I am glad I stopped - I really think I was close to passing out).

So, my new goal is to run 30 minutes straight. AND, I'd like to do this outside. I'm hatin' on the treadmill. This means I have to find the time in the early early morning or in the evening, when the sun isn't so crazy hot, so that I can run. This will be a challenge.

How I'm going to accomplish this: The second post in this blog lays out a running program that I had been following in order to run the mile.** But once I hit the mile, I kind of stopped moving forward with the program. I will be using this program to reach my next goal of running 30 minutes straight. I've already done this once or twice, but I really want to get it under my belt this time. It's a small step backwards, but necessary.

* image from http://www.focusaction.com/YourConnection/cardiovascularExercise.html

**Thank you Simon for making the plan for me and for being such a great supporter in my running endeavors.

Running Buddy

This past week I really failed . . . except for one day. On Monday evening I was bored and antsy so decided to go for a run/jog/shuffle. My 9 year-old daughter expressed an interest to go with me. By the time we headed out the door, it was starting to get dark. Kinda creepy. So we stayed in our neighborhood (yeah, still creepy). It was a lot of fun having her with me. She's a lot better at talking while running than I am. I can make the occasional grunt, but that's about it. She jogs along with a spring in her step.

We only jogged for 10 minutes. I think we would have done more if it wasn't 105 degrees out. It was seriously hot. At least we didn't have the sun beating down on us.

I'm hoping that she and I can make this a routine. I loved having her with me. She pushes me and I encourage her. We make a pretty good team.

It Is Possible

I bit the bullet and got on the treadmill this morning. It is, in fact, entirely possible to run a mile on the treadmill. I am the proof. I did it in lousy time, but I'm going to allow myself that when I'm treading.

And really, just a few months ago I couldn't run for more than 3 minutes at a time.

Fear of Failure

This is a big one for me. You'd think after failing at stuff a lot that it would be second nature and I wouldn't worry about it so. But I do. I'm back in Arizona now and I'm trying to figure out my running schedule. And it scares me a little. I'd prefer running outside, but that would require me getting up very very early which is often difficult to do after tossing and turning all night. Also, running outside here does not offer me the privacy that running in Pennsylvania did. I'd be running on a sidewalk adjacent to a busy road - a road that I cannot walk down without seeing at least 3 people I know drive by (and they usually wave at me). I want to shuffle in private. Plus, I don't want people calling an ambulance when they see me huffing and puffing and tripping all over the place (it's called running, people!). And then I'm afraid that I won't be able to match my progress that I attained in Pennsylvania.

Or . . .

There's the Dreadmill. The positive side of this is that I can do it in the privacy of my own home on my own time. That's the only pro, as far as I can tell. Like I said in an earlier post, I can WALK 2 miles in 35 minutes. Put me on the Dreadmill and I can run/jog 1.6 miles in 35 minutes. It literally sucks the life out of me. I dread the treadmill.

Both of these avenues share something in common: either way I look at it I'm afraid of failure, afraid of taking some big giant steps backward. I know I can run a mile - but can I run a mile here? Will the heat be too much? Will I be too self-conscious to run outside? Will the dreadmill finally kill me?

The Last Run

I haven't run in 2 weeks. I did my 15 minute mile then my morning schedule got screwy and then I got sick, so I put off running.

Today is my last day in Pennsylvania. Soon I'll be battling the inferno in Arizona. I had to take one last chance to run out in the woods. I didn't run much - a little more than 1/2 a mile. I wanted to take it easy after a two-week break and I really just wanted to enjoy the run and the out-a-doors.

It was chilly when I ran. I startled three deer. I ran by all three ponds. I hopped over a branch and some roots. And then I walked the rest of the way, taking in the beauty around me knowing it will probably be a year before I see it all again.