I Am Running Challenged

The title sounds better than "I Stink At Running."

Except for once or twice last year (and do those times really count when it was all downhill?), I haven't been able to run a mile. What is wrong with me?

I'm honestly feeling defeated and I don't know how to push through the wall. I jog insanely slow, but still after 5 minutes I'm beat . . . can't carry on a conversation . . . can't even eek out anything but a grunt.

Oh, and what drives me up the wall is that EACH time I go out is so completely different. One day I can jog 15 minutes straight, the next time I run I can barely go for 5 minutes. There is absolutely no rhyme or reason to it.

I know so much of this is mental. But when I feel like I'm going to puke in the bushes (which almost happened tonight - how embarrassing would that have been? Puking on the side of the road - RIGHT BY MY HOUSE), pass out, or when my body just can't go another step at a pace above a walk, I don't know how to get past that and I really want to!

I almost wanted to try a 5k - that's a wee bit over 3 miles - but c'mon . . . I can't even do 1 mile (unless of course it's downhill)!

Arg. Ok, this was just a big fat frustration post. Carry on.

Music!

I haven't been running to music. I wanted the music of nature to fill my soul with delight and determination as I battled the pavement each day. Bahahahaha! Does the blaring of car horns and too much bass count as nature? Yeah, not really. Not only that, but being left alone with my thoughts probably isn't the best thing.

Plus, in Run Like A Mother, they covered a section about the pros of running to music. Thought I'd give it a try.

So, for the past few days I listened religiously to the 80's and 90's channels and compiled a play list of songs I'd like to run to. Here it is in all its glory.

Somethin' To Believe In - Poison
Wide Open Spaces - Dixie Chicks
Independence Day - Martina McBride
Hurt - Johnny Cash
Walk the Line - Johnny Cash
500 Miles - The Proclaimers
Against All Odds - Phil Collins
Follow Me - Uncle Kracker
I Hope You Dance - Lee Ann Womack
Smooth Criminal - Michael Jackson
Take Me Home (Country Roads) - John Denver

I have another 50 songs I'd like to add (Guns N Roses, baby!), but for now this is a good start.

Last night I ran for the first time with my play list and HOLY COW! So much fun. And I pushed myself more than I would have. I'd say things like, "I won't stop until the end of the song" or "I can do one more song!" And every once in a while I'd sing out loud (really it was just huffing and puffing to a beat, but if you listened closely I was really singing, I swear). There are songs in there that soothe me, inspire me, motivate me and just plain make me feel good.

I'm hooked.

What Makes a Runner a Runner?

Well, what makes a writer a writer? Are you only a writer if you've had something published?

Are you only a runner if you've run in a marathon?

Or are you a runner simply because you run on a fairly consistent basis?

I am a mother because I mother on a consistent basis. I'd like to say I'm a writer (I have a TON of stories swirling around in my overactive mind), but hardly do I put pen to paper, so I can't claim being a writer.

Oh how I want to claim being a runner! But, I don't want to take the glory from those that actually run on a consistent basis and are true blue runners.

So for now I'm a wanna be runner. I hope that in short order I'll be able to confidently claim being a runner - and that it will be a true claim!

Run Like A Mother

I got this book free on my Kindle. And since it was free, it was definitely for me! I didn't really intend to read it actually. But wanting to read something "light" while waiting for my son's karate class to finish up, I dug in.

And now I'm hooked. So hooked, in fact, that today, after months of not doing more than a walk, I was inspired enough to get up early and go for a jog. I took my 10 year-old daughter with me. She had a fabulous time - she loves being outside, she loves being active. She loved seeing the sun come up and the many bunnies that crossed our path. We didn't jog the entire time. Instead we'd see a landmark and say, "think we can run to that pole/tree/house/street?" At one point I pointed to a tree, we jogged to it and when we got there, my daughter said, "I bet we could make it to that pole." And we did! So for a mile we jogged off and on. Not bad for my first time out in MONTHS. We walked the mile back, taking a detour through the desert.

So, back to this book . . . I've only read perhaps 15% of it so far, but have learned so much. I've learned that it's okay to take time out of my day for myself. It's okay! Also, one of the writers mentioned that by tackling a run first thing in the morning made the rest of the day feel like a breeze. Everything else was easy after a grueling run! It's nice to feel tough and to have conquered a difficult task first thing in the day. My daughter said something similar this morning. She said, "I feel like I've already accomplished something today!" And here we were, jogging when most of the world was still asleep. We accomplished something right off the bat today. What a great way to start a day.

I'm so glad I got this book. I think it'll be my running bible. Wisdom in that book, there is. Wisdom that this fledgling "runner" so desperately needs.

Running? What's That?

So, I haven't been running at all for quite some time. I know that at some point I will start back up again, but for now, I'm grabbing any sleep I can and just getting through the days.

The Good Mile

“Running is one of the best solutions to a clear mind.” ~Sasha Azevedo

This quote is so true. How I enjoy my half an hour of thinking! The first three minutes are pretty negative - I typically think about how much running stinks and how after the three minutes is up I'm going to stop. But I never do. Instead I realize that I made it through those horrible three minutes and can't I do at least 6 more minutes? Of course! Once I get into the groove of running, of breathing, of letting go of the discomfort that comes with running, I am able to really think.

Most of the time I write stories in my head. Sometimes I write blog posts or emails. I'll think of a topic and then write essays about it in my head. I often think about my day ahead of me. I pass a small horse farm on my runs and that usually gets me thinking about horses and how I want one, how I really should get back into horseback riding. I think about my surroundings - the birds, the rabbits in the desert, the fire ant that's biting the back of my leg!

But, it all comes down to having a few moments to myself to actually think. Running may be difficult but for me it's worth it to have this 1/2 hour to myself which also translates into a day of clear-headedness.

*picture from artandperception.com

“By losing your goal, you have lost your way.” ~Khalil Gibran

A friend of mine (we'll call her Kelly), just announced her "100 Miles A Month" goal. As I read her blog about this awesome inspiring goal, I contemplated my own running goals. And I realized I didn't have any anymore! I can run a mile. Now what? Do I really want to either work on speed or distance at this point? Do I love running that much?

Actually I don't like running while I'm running, but do feel pretty dang good after I've completed a run (I am using the term "run" loosely, please don't rain on my parade and remind me that I'm merely shuffling. Thanks). I would like to get to the point where I enjoy running. And truth be told, I do enjoy the thinking time running allows me.

Last night as I prepared to go to bed I told my husband that if I got up early enough I'd be heading out for a run. And secretly I hoped I wouldn't wake up early enough. Since sleep is such a rare commodity for me I have decided that I won't force myself to get up any earlier than absolutely necessary. However, if I wake up naturally early enough to get a run in, then I'd take advantage of my sleep disorders.

As it happened, I woke up at 5:40 am. Plenty of time to get a run in. I donned my shoes and my watch, stretched, and headed out the door. It was hot . . . at 5:40 in the morning. I ran from my house to the first traffic light just south of here. That is exactly a mile. It was a rough mile. Toward the end I was pretty sure I was going to pass out. I came fairly close to puking as well. But seeing that traffic light and keeping my eye on the prize kept me going. I did it in 12 minutes. Then I turned around and walked back. It took me the entire walk back to not feel like passing out and puking.

I felt pretty proud of my run, proud that I ran a mile, and proud that I actually ran OUTSIDE in Arizona for the whole world to see (and really, I was so focused on not throwing up and passing out that I had not a moment to feel self-conscious about my shuffling and all my friends and neighbors that were surely laughing at me nor did I think about all the crazies out to get me).

Then I started thinking about it and realized that I only ran 12 minutes today! That's pathetic! What happened to me running 30 minutes at a time? I did my mile and then just stopped (I am glad I stopped - I really think I was close to passing out).

So, my new goal is to run 30 minutes straight. AND, I'd like to do this outside. I'm hatin' on the treadmill. This means I have to find the time in the early early morning or in the evening, when the sun isn't so crazy hot, so that I can run. This will be a challenge.

How I'm going to accomplish this: The second post in this blog lays out a running program that I had been following in order to run the mile.** But once I hit the mile, I kind of stopped moving forward with the program. I will be using this program to reach my next goal of running 30 minutes straight. I've already done this once or twice, but I really want to get it under my belt this time. It's a small step backwards, but necessary.

* image from http://www.focusaction.com/YourConnection/cardiovascularExercise.html

**Thank you Simon for making the plan for me and for being such a great supporter in my running endeavors.